Trying My Best to Have a 'Good One' — Whatever That is

The other day, as I was leaving Walmart, an employee at the self-checkout area said to me, “Have a good one!”

“Thank you,” I responded, but I was a little confused. What was this “good one” I was supposed to have?

Was it a good afternoon? A good day? A good week? Perhaps it was a good year or even a good life.

Maybe the employee assumed I was a regular drinker and was wishing me a good beer. But perhaps he made no such assumptions and was merely wishing me a good cup of tea. I had, after all, just bought some tea for myself. But I had also bought some soap. Perhaps he was wishing me a good bath.

Whatever he was wishing me, why was he wishing me only one? Why couldn’t he have been a little generous and said, “Have a good many!” Wouldn’t I want to have many of something that was good?

Perhaps not. There are some things in life that are sufficient in quantities of one. They make you say, “One is enough! One is plenty!” This is the case, of course, with wives. If you have a good wife, you are set for life. You do not need two or three. One is more than most men can handle. It is a challenge to make one wife happy, so why would you attempt to make two or three happy? You would be better off trying something less challenging, like climbing Mount Everest.

Before you accuse me of being sexist, let me emphasize that the same applies to husbands. If you have a good husband, do you really need two or three? Keeping just one of them happy should be challenging enough. You do not need more stress in your life, even if you suffer from low blood pressure.

Photo from Good People Brewing

I am thankful that no one, as far as I know, has ever wished two wives on me. I can’t imagine going to the store and having two shopping lists texted to my phone.

Me: “What kind of cheese do you want? You need to be specific.”

First wife: “That wasn’t me. That was your second wife. I have lactose intolerance.”

Me: “Sorry, I forgot. What kind of bread do you want?”

First wife: “That wasn’t me either. I have gluten intolerance.”

Me: “Sorry, I forgot. Can you ask her please?”

First wife: “Ask her yourself. I have second-wife intolerance.”

Yes, having one good wife is more than enough, not too different from having one good life. If you’ve had a good life, would you really want to come back to Earth and take a chance on having a bad life? I wouldn’t. Given a choice, I would opt out of any further lives. I’m too afraid of being born to the wrong parents, having the wrong siblings and being raised in the wrong religion. (Any religion that’s too restrictive would be wrong for me.)

One good job is also enough. If you have a good job, you probably don’t need a second or third job. But if it’s a bad job, you may need another bad job to make ends meet.

If having a “good one” means having a good wife, a good job or a good life, I’m happy to have one.

Just one is plenty, thank you.