The other day, there was another UFO sighting over America. And just a week or so later, on the planet of Serena, many galaxies away, the Minister of Intergalactic Affairs and other leaders gathered in the main chamber of the House of Serenity to hear a report from Ruba Pontuba, a heroic space traveler who had just returned from her fourth mission to Earth.
Minister (speaking in Serenese): "Welcome back, most respected Ruba."
Ruba: "Thank you, most honorable minister. I am always relieved to be back. I can't tell you how much I missed being among civilized creatures."
Minister: "Is that so? It was my hope that humans would be more civilized by now. They have artificial intelligence now, don’t they?"
Ruba (laughs uncontrollably for five minutes): "Artificial intelligence! Ha ha ha! Artificial intelligence doesn’t stop them from dropping bombs on each other. Artificial intelligence doesn’t stop them from neglecting their poor and hungry. Artificial intelligence doesn’t stop them from having babies with Nick Cannon.”
Minister: “Who is Nick Cannon?”
Ruba: “From what I could tell, he is a comedian, actor and prolific baby-producer.”
Minister: “How many babies does he have?”
Ruba: “He has 12 children. They were born to six females.”
Minister: “Is there a shortage of males on Earth?”
Ruba: “No, not at all. Out of every 1,000 humans, there are 504 males and 496 females.”
Minister: “So they are almost perfectly matched?”
Ruba: “Yes, but their preferences vary.”
Minister: “Of course. Just like here.”
Ruba: “But we are on a different level altogether, honorable minister. We have the freedom to be who we are. Humans don’t appreciate differences like we do. They even imprison other humans because they are different. While I was visiting Earth, the humans in a land called Turkey imprisoned a male who was wearing a short crop top. They suspected him of liking other males.”
Minister: “Neanderthals!”
Ruba: “Yes, there are many Neanderthals roaming the Earth. They discriminate against other humans based on sexual orientation, race, caste, religion, even party.”
Minister: “Even party?”
Ruba: “Yes, I noticed in a land called England that the humans who have tea parties look down on the humans who have beer parties. But the party differences are even more stark in a land called America, where they have only two parties.”
Minister: “Only two parties? Neanderthals!”
Ruba: “Yes, they divide themselves into two parties. It’s called the two-party system. They take turns choosing their president. And whoever is the president is hated by one party and loved by the other party.”
Minister: “Who is their president now?”
Ruba: “A male named Joe Biden. He is 81 in human years. That’s 9 in Serene years.”
Minister: “Isn’t he too young to be a leader? I was twice his age when I accepted the call.”
Ruba: “Humans don’t live as long as we do. The life expectancy for males in America is 73 — or 8 in Serene. That’s why many humans in America are concerned about Biden’s age and health. They are worried that if he wins an upcoming election, America might get its first female president.”
Minister: “Does his daughter become president if something happens to him?”
Ruba: “No, the vice-president does, a female named Kamala Harris. That’s a scary thought for many humans in America. They have never been ruled by a female.”
Minister: “Neanderthals! Do they have another candidate in mind?”
Ruba: “Yes, the other party wants the former president, Donald Trump, to have a do-over.”
Minister: “I must assume then that Trump is a youngster.”
Ruba: “No, he’s only half a Serene year younger than Biden. Both parties have candidates who have exceeded the life expectancy of a male.”
Minister: “Are they showing any signs of life?”
Ruba: “Yes, they both seem to have pulses. Trump seems more alive to many humans in his party. He’s confident, boastful and has no trouble remembering which of his fellow humans to put down.”
Minister: “Neanderthal!”
Ruba: “Yes, that’s what makes him appealing to many humans. I can't tell you how happy I am to be back among civilized creatures.”
Minister: “I’m glad to hear it, most respected Ruba. But it looks like we’ll be sending you on another mission soon.”
Ruba: “You want to find out who wins the election between Biden and Trump?”
Minister: “No, I want to find out if anyone else is having a baby with Nick Cannon.”
Our current circumstance is indeed stranger than fiction.
Good job