Please Don't Bug Me During My Flight
Turkish Airlines got some unexpected publicity on New Year’s Day, a prominent article in the New York Times about the free bites that the airline is offering, courtesy of a dedicated team of bedbugs.
According to the article, passengers on several Turkish Airlines flights have complained in recent months about bedbugs, spotting some crawling on seats and blankets, and others falling from the ceiling.
A Malaysia-based science teacher named Kristin Bourgeois recently flew from Washington D.C. to Istanbul and ended up with 13 bite marks on her body, none of which could be blamed on the man sitting next to her.
“Before departure, I noticed a bug crawling on my blanket,” she told The Times. “When I found another on the pillow, I realized it was a bedbug.”
Another passenger, Patience Titcombe, encountered bedbugs during a Turkish Airlines flight from Johannesburg to Istanbul. “I had to strip down at the airport and change clothes because I have kids — what if I brought bedbugs home?” Titcombe said.
Imagine having to strip down at the airport without even going through security. Perhaps we need to have a multipurpose checkpoint. Before flying: check for weapons. After flying: check for bedbugs.
I don’t know about you, but I found this news about bedbugs so unsettling, I immediately made a call to my travel agent, Seema.
Me: “Please don’t ever book me on a Turkish Airlines flight!”
Seema: “Why not? They are one of the cheapest airlines and you like to fly cheap.”
Me: “I took an economics class in college. That’s why I’m always in economy class.”
Seema: “As I said, you like to fly cheap. Did you know that you can fly from New York City to New Delhi roundtrip for only 900 dollars on Turkish Airlines?”
Me: “Only 900? Will I get my own seat?”
Seema: “You might have to share, but it won’t be with humans.”
Me: “Dogs and cats? I’m allergic to cats!”
Seema: “Don’t worry, no cats. But there might be some bedbugs sharing your seat.”
Me: “Bedbugs! That’s the reason I don’t want to fly Turkish Airlines! I hate being bitten. Put me on Etihad or Lufthansa.”
Seema: “Etihad? You’ll still feel a bite. Do you think your wallet can take it?”
Me: “I don’t know. How many bites will I get on Turkish Airlines?”
Seema: “It’s hard to say. Maybe none. Bedbugs aren’t so bad, you know. There is no evidence of bedbugs ever spreading any diseases, nor has there been a single recorded case of bedbugs trying to hijack a plane. You’ll still land safely, no matter how many bedbugs are on your flight.”
Me: “Will I receive any compensation if I get bitten?”
Seema: “Yes, just show your bites to a ticket agent and you will get 1% off your next flight for each bite. Hundred bites and you fly free.”
Me: “Good deal. With my savings, I can get myself a T-shirt that says, ‘Turkish Airlines Bites.’”
After speaking to Seema, I decided to do a little more research. I called Professor John Thurman, an entomologist who specializes in flying insects.
Me: “Professor Thurman, how long have bedbugs been flying?”
Thurman: “Much longer than you think. For my research, I zoomed in on an old photo of the Wright Brothers and guess what I saw: several bite marks on Wilbur’s neck. Bedbugs enjoy flying — and not just on Turkish Airlines. Sometimes they even fly business class. Several years ago, business class passengers on British Airways and Air India were bitten.”
Me: “Oh no, not Air India too!”
Thurman: “Don’t worry, Air India took care of the problem. They fumigated their planes. Airlines need to do that occasionally. It’s not their fault, really. Bedbugs sneak onto planes inside passengers’ belongings. And once they’re on board, they stick around, enjoying the atmosphere and the many opportunities to bite. So many choices for them: people of all colors, sizes and personalities.”
Me: “Do bedbugs discriminate?”
Thurman: “No, they’re equal opportunity biters. It doesn’t matter whether you’re black or white, heavy or light, rude or polite, you’re still going to get a bite.”
"...they’re equal opportunity biters." Insects usually are; all we are to them is food.
I worry about getting head lice on airplanes. Airplanes used to have little white hankies on the headrest, which offered some protection, but I haven't seen them in a while. I would think a refund would be in order if you got headlice or bedbugs (much worse, they are hard to get rid of).