GoFundMe Campaign to Benefit Boris Johnson

A British woman has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money to get Prime Minister Boris Johnson a proper haircut.

“I don’t know who cuts his hair now, but it's been terrible for many years,” said Dorothy Jones, 42, of Sheffield. “Even the Prime Minister’s dog, Dilyn, gets better grooming. Finally I said to myself, enough is enough. I’m going to do something about it.”

Donations have poured in from all corners of Great Britain, bringing the total contribution so far to 23 pounds, 58 pence.

“It may not seem like much,” Jones said, “but it’ll be enough to get the Prime Minister not just a good haircut, but a really nice comb.”

But can’t Boris Johnson afford to pay for a good haircut himself?

“Of course he can,” Jones said. “But why hasn’t he then? I know the answer. Sometimes we don’t like to spend money on ourselves, especially when we think it’s not absolutely needed. When I met my hubby, he never trimmed his nose hair. He could afford an electric trimmer, but he couldn’t be bothered to go shopping for it. So I bought him one for Christmas and now he trims his nose hair, his ear hair and sometimes even his back hair.”

Several of Jones’ friends have contributed to the GoFundMe campaign, including one who called Jones a national hero.

“When there’s a disaster, most people just stand around and watch,” said Mabel Wilson. “But she’s trying to do something about it.”

She noted that Jones had also started a petition for the British throne to be passed to Prince WIlliam, skipping the heir apparent, Prince Charles.

“She wants the British people to be proud,” Wilson said. “And right now, we have two similar concerns: bad heir and bad hair.”

Another contributor to the campaign, Oliver Taylor of Birmingham, went so far as to call Johnson’s hair a “national embarrassment.”

“If he can’t get his hair in order,” Taylor said, “how can we expect him to get our country in order?”

But many other Brits seem to appreciate Johnson’s hair, and want him to cut a lot of other things before he gets around to his hair.

“Cutting his hair can wait,” said 60-year-old Rupert Robinson of Leeds. “First he needs to cut taxes, cut prices and cut waiting times for colonoscopies.”

Eighteen-year-old Noah Walker, who will be attending Cambridge University this September, described Johnson’s hair as “very uplifting.” 

“I recently tried to save money by getting my mum to cut my hair,” Walker said. “It was probably the worst haircut I’ve ever had and I was teased relentlessly in school. But my mum showed me dozens of photos of Prime Minister Johnson and now I don’t feel so bad about it. In fact, when I applied for university, I listed it on my application under ‘leadership qualities.’”

Twenty-year-old David Green, a diehard Chelsea fan, said he and other football fans love Johnson’s hair. “His hair is just like us,” Green said. “Unruly.”

Max Turner, a strawberry farmer in Norfork, also expressed his support for Johnson, even putting posters of the Prime Minister all over his property just before Johnson survived a non-confidence vote in his party.

"I wanted to show my utmost support for him," Turner said, "but it also helps with the birds.”

The critics need to remember that other great people in history, including Albert Einstein, were not well-coiffed, Turner said. "People remember Einstein for being a genius, not for his crazy hair.”

But Dorothy Jones scoffed at the comparison and pointed out a double standard.

“Can a woman get elected looking like that? No, she has to spend hours in a beauty shop. She has to look prim and proper, like Margaret Thatcher. But a man -- he  can look like a chimpanzee, a rather smart and well-trained one, gave him a haircut at the zoo.”

Double standard or not, many Brits love Boris Johnson’s hair just the way it is.

“Thanks to him, our country is much cleaner,” said Julia Edwards of Birmingham, noting that ever since Johnson came to power, a British company called Floorshine has used Johnson’s hair in its advertisements to sell mops. 

“Every time people see him on the telly, they are reminded, ‘It’s time to get the mop out.’”