Anyone Can Be a Victim of Catfishing

The new Netflix documentary “Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare” made me realize how easy it is to become a victim of catfishing and how vulnerable many people are. Catfishing, as you probably know, is what happens when you have an online romance with someone who looks drop-dead gorgeous, but when you meet them in person, they look like a dropped dead catfish.

No, that’s not exactly what it means. Catfishing is when someone creates a fictitious online persona or fake identity to lure another person into a relationship. Romance scams often involve catfishing. These schemes are based on an old adage: to steal someone’s money, it is best to first steal their heart. A more recent version goes like this: first they swipe right, then they swipe everything.

But financial gain is not always the motive for catfishing, as “Sweet Bobby” illustrates. The documentary portrays the decade-long scheme that lured Kirat Assi, a Punjabi woman in Britain, into a relationship with a doctor named Bobby Jandu. 

It began as an online friendship, then progressed into a romance and eventually an engagement. The perpetrator (no spoilers here) created dozens of fake online profiles to carry out the catfishing scheme and even convinced Assi that the man of her dreams couldn’t meet her in person or communicate with her fully because he was not only recovering from a shooting in Kenya, he was also in a witness protection program in the U.S. (That reminds me of the time I was invited to the wedding of a former girlfriend and wrote in response: “Wish I could be there, but the Justice Department has put me in a witness protection program.”)

Promotional image for “Sweet Bobby.”

In Assi’s case, the perpetrator’s motive isn’t clear, but it appears to be manipulation or control. Indeed, some people engage in catfishing in order to harass other people, bully them or take revenge on them. Some suffer from low self-esteem or loneliness and enjoy being a totally different person online who can attract other people. A man suffering from low self-esteem may portray himself as super-attractive, using a photo he found online, while a woman suffering from low self-esteem may scream, “Oh my God. Idris Elba’s twin brother has sent me a friend request!”

But you don’t have to suffer from low self-esteem to be a victim of catfishing, especially when the scheme is as elaborate as the one that entrapped Assi. That’s why it’s important to know some of the warning signs. Here are some of them:

1. The photos look perfect. If the person trying to develop an online relationship with you looks like an actor or model, be suspicious. Ask yourself if someone that attractive would be looking for love online, sending you a “How r u” message at 2 a.m.

2. The photos remain unchanged. If the person is not sharing new photos of themselves in various environments, it might mean that they don’t have complete access to the pretty face they’re showing. And if they don’t have access to it, neither will you. 

3. The person refuses to video chat with you. They make excuses for not appearing in video, such as being in a witness protection program, suffering from video-phobia, or not being ready to take such a big step in the relationship. “Facetime? No, let’s get to know each other better first. What is your favorite place to keep your money?”

4. The person agrees to video chat, but the video is blurry. This is a sign that the person is trying to hide their identity, or lives in the boondocks somewhere without a strong connection to their neighbor’s internet.

5. The relationship progresses too fast. If you became online friends a week ago and they’re already suggesting Lagos as a honeymoon destination, you may want to unfriend them immediately.